Saturday, March 3, 2007

wish you were here

wish you were here, originally uploaded by Kay-D.

Dear Michel, Andre, Jane and Claude,

You touched our hearts a very long time ago and when you, Jane and Claude and all your family felt the tremendous loss of Miche we too felt the pain. We could never know how much you hurt to lose a son so young; I just have to look at mine and know it would hurt even more than I can imagine.
But do find comfort in knowing that there are others that keep you in their loving thoughts. It’s just been past a year and I wrote for Michel, you, Jane and Claude this poem.
Thanks for being there for Ty. He has always loved you as a coach.

Wish You Were Here

A knot inside my throat…
I felt a shocking pain…
A piercing knife had cut
callously into my aching heart!

I knew I lost
But unrelenting I continued on
Trying so hard to buy you time
why… I knew not
maybe without thinking,
hoping for a divine occurrence to
bless upon us that very night.
Or just the blurred voices of the ones you loved
wanting me to carry on…
To find some hope.

I just wasn’t ready to let go.
I didn’t want to let you go.
It all happened so very quickly
I didn’t have time to think
or to even ask myself
what was happening to us.

Why this grave shadow had suddenly come
and covered us in so much darkness

And then it was very plain to see that you were gone
You quietly lay on the cold pavement of the road
My eyes so welled with tears
I could not see you very clear
You vanished from my life that faithful night
And time stood still

When all the flowers and the cards no longer arrived
When everyone went on with their own life
I still lived with death that had met me in those hours of darkness and stole you away

The absence is so profound!

I long to see you, care for you and watch you grow.
It was not intended for me to live through this ordeal.
You should have rightly lived a ripe old age
Way beyond your old dad’s very last page

And, Oh how I wish you were here

How hard it was to watch the days that followed when you first left
Memories of you whenever touched
Left an empty void
A dark, deep aching pain that ate at my very soul

How much I missed you
And loved you
And wished that I could hold you one more time
Indefinitely in my arms
Just like when you were a little boy

My heart ached oh so much
To see your mom and brother hurt
No matter how much my comfort
Their tears still heavy flowed

As dusk approaches
My mind wonders to that forlorn place
A place where I long to have never known
And then when night has finally come
I lay to sleep with images of you in mind

I dream how once
In the cold of winter
You came to us and warmed our hearts
And then a short while later
You left us oh so very close to
Christmas day
Our hearts just froze.

When morning came
It took not long for the haze to clear
and see it was not any dream
But one quite very real!

In the early dawning hours
I perceive the sound of
Unyielding icy rain beat against my window pane
A storm has come
It reminds me that winter
Even thou it pushes harder upon my broken heart
Somehow there is a comfort in the storm
I cannot forget God had first sent you
In the wintry of day

The spring will come and warm the earth
And sunlight will wash upon our hearts
Not far behind the day quietly approaches
When I will hold you in my arms …once more

The pain is always there
It seems to fade as time goes by
But really it just hides behind my face
And so I pray

Please come to see me in my dreams
Pray please forgive my sadness and my hurt
I find it so very hard to totally destroy
For if there is no grief
Then how would I explain

My missing you?
My love for you?

For now you live within my dreams,
and so come visit for a while
let us know you’re here
you know
wish you were here


In the last post I spoke of having to feel sadness in order to know the true meaning of happiness.
I as well as my husband have felt the pain and sadness in losing very young friends; even before they ever reaching their twenties. Now my son has had the unpleasant experience of losing two very young friends and teammates within the last two years; even before them ever reaching their sixteenth birthdays or just barely.
When one so young dies the friends that are left behind who all felt so indestructible suddenly find the harsh reality of life and identify in being only human discovering that they too one day will die. Death is such a dreaded word we only need to understand it more while we take what we have been given on this earth and cherish it has much as humanly possible without not ever regretting one moment lost.


Lady Laurie said...

Tell your son how sorry I am for the loss of his friends. I too have lost friends at a young age ~ I remember thinking it wasnt't possible, we were just starting our lives.
My daughter lost several friends her senior year in high school, I know she felt the same way, that it wasn't fair, they were too young, I think it made her realize how fragile life is...

Thanks for the poem Annabelle, wishing you a good Sunday.

Jeanne said...

Blessings to you my lovely friend.
God bless all those who mourn.

Love you

Andre said...

Thank You Sooo Much Anna - What a wonderful poem you wrote and so true on how we feel even after a year - It'll be forever the pain in my heart of loosing our dear Michel - Not a minute goes by without me thinking of him and that awful night he was taken away from us all. I still have nightmares of me trying to bring him back as he laid motionless on that side of the road - still a blur - Miss him very much for sure - but find comfort in knowing that one day I'll be with him again. - It's things like you've done that keep us as strong as we can be = knowing that Michel had made such an impact on so many in his short life with us - that also keeps me sane. - We know with time many may forget his blessing he left behind for so many - But with every Birthday he would have celebrated we'll continue as many as we can to celebrate this day one way or another - The last two Christmas's have been very difficult for us as this was his favourite time of the year - gathering with family and friends was his best thing he loved or was it the never ending food.

Anyway you've touched my heart in a very BIG way and thank you again for that - It's amazing I was going by North Gower just the other day coming back from Richmond - 2 nd last game of the season - and said to Claude if he remembered the time we had that hockey practice for team at your local rink and how the ice was just in perfect shape and the fun we all had for the hours we spent together - and my visit to your warm home that day just around the corner . - Again I'm very touched with what you put together in the memory of our dear Michel - Say Hello to Stan - Tyler and Emma for us all. God Bless you all

Not sure if you would mind sharing with me - but how did Tyler's friend pass on at such an early age - I seem to pay much more attention to this since Dec 15 2005 and do feel for those parents who have joined this dreaded club we are now members of.

Also could I share your link to your Pastoral Dreams page with others ? - I would like to let others know of the wonderful work you've done not only for Miche but all your beautiful poems you've written since February 16 th 2007 - And one more question - the picture of the tropical beach with the words etched in the sand
" Wish You Were Here " Where did you find this or was it you who took the picture - this photo is so soothing to look at.

Sorry for the long message but really needed to write and the message you also left on Miche's tribute page was one of many that again touched our hearts knowing that your family remembers the special things from our past - I'm very happy to have left such a positive thoughts and memories with Tyler makes all that volunteering so much worth it - as I really enjoyed every year I've coached for that reason including the time spent knowing that the kids respected me as coach and a mentor.

Let me know re: above questions asked and if this would be OK with you in me sharing your link on the following WEB page .


Again GOD Bless you all.

André - and I'm sure Jane and Claude alike

cityfarmer said...

You've all touched us in a way that no one else could....I pray God's grace is sufficient for you all..."earth hath no sorrow Heaven cannot heal"

Love to you all

Annabelle said...

Dear Andre,

I’m lost for words. I was quite nervous waiting for your reply. I didn’t know how you, Jane and Claude would take it. I haven’t stopped thinking about Miche or how much it hurt you and your family.
The day of the service when we were saying our goodbyes to Miche has stayed with me since… in my heart and in my thoughts and will stay there for the rest of my life. What had a big impact on me, Stan and Ty was what Tyler had said to us after the wake and church service. He told us you hugged him so tight each time you saw him and were shaking. He knew by that action how much you were hurting and missing Miche. It really moved Tyler and our family.
Tyler’s other friend was Vincent Berry. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He was Ty’s indoor soccer friend and teammate and his dad was another wonderful coach to Ty. Tyler has been blessed with some great coaches. His three favorite ones are Vincent’s dad Pat, Andre {you} and for course dad {Stan}.Coaching can be very rewarding and you do see the affection, friendship and memories you receive in return for your commitment to the kids .I’m so glad Stan has coached our two kids but unfortunately this will be the first year he wouldn’t be able to. He is commuting to Chalk River and Toronto for work at AECL and probably will be making some guest appearances throughout the summer. He has saved some of his holidays for it; I just recently discovered this news… Great!!! Of course the kids have been very fortunate to have dad there since they were five years old even when he worked shift. He certainly is a super dad like you and Pat…I have tremendous appreciation and respect for you three. Great feats seldom go unnoticed.
I’m not sure if the Berry’s belong to a group but I could ask them for you. They too have one son and I think he is Emma’s age {14}.They are originally from out east; not sure if from Newfoundland or Nova Scotia. But they are very kind people for sure and great friends to know. Someday I should write something for Vincent and them as well.
As for the link you’re more than welcome to it and can even post the poem on your Legacy page. I didn’t do it; like I said, I didn’t know if you would like it. Also the picture of the beach with “Wish you were here” is from Flickr were people share their pictures with everyone. Wish I took it but it was taken by Kay-D on Flickr who was kind enough to let me use it and you can view it here at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kay-dee/. There are a lot of “Wish you were here” pics and Emma helped me pick this one to accompany the poem. She liked how you could read it so well and we all know now how much Miche liked the song. You can also look at it here on my site. http://www.flickr.com/photos/83323987@N00/favorites/. Just click on my favorites and you’ll see the ones I collected. It’s free to join and it’s a lot of fun but very addictive; still I like it very much.
Again thanks for the lovely comment. Yours is definitely number one … the best ever. Makes me feel I did something worthwhile for a change especially when you say how it helps people in these heartbreaking situations. I’m humbled. Thanks Andre.

Luv to You, Jane and Claude.
Very blessed to have met you
Your friends Anna, Stan, Tyler and Emma.

Izabella said...

oh Annabelle, I can't wear makeup when I come to read your posts, I can hardly type through the tears, again~

this really touched me as well today~ I was going to post something for my friend Shawn, a young single father, who lost his lil boy, he was hit by a car, right in front of him~ it has been very hard for all of us, as lil' Sammy was such a loving & sweet lil boy, and my childs best friend~

I feel for the ones left behind, to endure such pain~ thank you for sharing this.

xo ~Bella

carolyn said...

To discover your mortality so young is a very profound experience. It happened to a friend of mine when she was 10 and since that time she has felt that she needs to live each day to the full because you never know how long you have.

Barbara said...

The greatest poetry so often comes out of grief and yours is good. Sorry about the losses, have walked that way myself in the past.
I am new to your blog and I see that you love all things English and English gardens. Do come and visit me if you have the time as I think you will enjoy your visit.

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